Curious Criticisms: The Lighter Side of Workplace Investigations

If you spend enough time conducting workplace investigations, you’ll inevitably encounter a wonderful array of feedback, some helpful, some not so much, and some that leave you wondering if you accidentally walked into a comedy show instead of an interview.

Investigations are serious work, but there’s also no denying: human nature is colorful. Sometimes, the criticisms we hear are so unexpected and so creative that it’s hard not to smile (internally, of course, smiling too much is a whole other story, as you’ll soon see).

Today, I thought I’d share a few of the more amusing and head-scratching critiques investigators encounter and provide a reminder that while the work is important, a sense of humor is an equally important tool in our kit.

“Wait… you’re writing this down?”

One of the most frequent surprises we encounter is that, yes, we take notes (written or typed).

Occasionally, a witness or party will look genuinely startled, even a little offended, that we are carefully documenting what they say.

“You’re writing down what I’m saying?” they’ll ask, eyes wide with suspicion.

It’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do as an investigator. We record information accurately, but at that moment, it can feel like we’ve committed a shocking breach of etiquette. Some people seem to imagine investigations as a casual chat over coffee.

Rest assured: when we document our interview, whether written, typed, or recorded, it’s not because we don’t trust you, it’s because your voice matters, and we want to get it right.

“You didn’t believe everything I said!”

In an ideal world, every party to an investigation would understand that investigators are not there to believe or disbelieve, we are there to assess.

Yet, it’s not unusual for someone to feel that any failure to completely agree with their account is a sign of betrayal.

“You didn’t believe me! This investigation is unfair!” they’ll protest.

The truth is that investigations aren’t about belief. They are about gathering facts, considering perspectives, and weighing evidence carefully. Sometimes that means people hear things they don’t like, but it never means their voice wasn’t heard.

“Why didn’t you investigate that other thing?”

Sometimes, midway through an investigation, someone brings up an entirely different workplace event, one that happened months or even years ago.

“Well, you never asked about that time in 2022 when my manager forgot my birthday!”

It’s understandable: when people feel hurt or overlooked, everything that has ever gone wrong can start to feel connected. But investigators must stay focused on the matter at hand. Otherwise, every investigation would spiral into an endless catalog of every slight or miscommunication over the last decade.

It’s not that those feelings aren’t real, they just belong to a different conversation.

“You smiled, that means you took sides!”

Body language matters, and investigators work hard to create a professional, approachable tone. But even something as simple as a friendly smile can sometimes be seen as suspicious.

“You smiled when I walked in. That shows you liked the other side better.”

The lesson here? People notice everything during an investigation. A warm smile meant to put someone at ease might be interpreted differently depending on how someone is feeling.

We continue to smile anyway, because kindness and professionalism aren’t sides to be taken; they’re standards to be upheld.

“This investigation was too thorough!”

Another delightful comment investigators sometimes hear:

“You asked too many questions. You dug too deep!”

At first glance, it’s almost flattering. After all, thoroughness is exactly what you want from an investigator. But when people are uncomfortable with the answers that emerge, it’s human nature to want to reframe the process as the problem.

Thoroughness isn’t about digging for dirt; it’s about making sure we understand the full picture. That’s how fairness is protected, not threatened.

“You should have stopped me from saying that!”

Sometimes during interviews, people are open maybe more than they intended to be. This can lead to them saying things that later cause them regret.

“You should have stopped me!” they say afterward.

In a perfect world, we’d all have a helpful guardian at our shoulder, tapping us when we’re about to overshare. But investigators aren’t there to censor anyone; they’re there to listen respectfully and objectively.

People are allowed to tell their story in their own way, and sometimes that story reveals more than they intended.

“You didn’t consider how I felt about the facts.”

Feelings are incredibly important. In fact, they’re often what bring investigations to life. They help explain why certain actions were taken or how certain events were experienced.

But feelings are not the same as evidence. And that’s a delicate balance.

When someone says, “I felt like she was yelling at me,” even though the interaction was calm, it doesn’t mean the feeling is dismissed. It simply means we need to separate emotional impact from factual events to be fair to everyone involved.

Both matter…they just matter differently.

“It was just a joke!”

Workplace humor can be a beautiful thing, when it brings people together.

It can also be a source of pain when jokes cross boundaries.

Sometimes respondents defend their actions by saying, “It was just a joke! Everyone laughed!” Yet witnesses might describe awkward silences and uncomfortable glances.

Context is everything. Investigators aren’t there to declare humor illegal. We’re there to ask, “Did this behavior, even if intended as a joke, have an unwanted impact?”

It’s a subtle but crucial difference.

“You’re clearly part of a conspiracy.”

One of the more creative criticisms investigators hear is the idea that they’re somehow part of a grand master plan, working secretly for management, the union, HR, the Illuminati, or all the above.

If only our lives were that exciting.

In reality, most investigators are independent, focused professionals whose only “agenda” is making sure the process is fair, respectful, and based on facts.

No secret handshakes. No midnight meetings. Just a lot of reading, listening, thinking, and yes, note-taking.

Final Thought – Humor Is Part of Humanity

Workplace investigations deal with serious matters including fairness, dignity, and respect. That doesn’t mean we can’t also recognize the charming, quirky, and sometimes downright hilarious moments that come with working so closely with people.

Criticisms, even the most surprising ones, often come from a place of fear, frustration, or misunderstanding. Approaching them with patience and a quiet smile (carefully timed, of course) helps remind everyone involved that investigations, at their best, are human-centered processes.

So, here’s to the unexpected moments. The colorful complaints. The imaginative interpretations.

They remind us that while facts are important, so is kindness and a little bit of laughter along the way.